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I will tell of the Battle of Hastings,
As happened in days long gone by
When Duke William became King of England,
And 'Arold got shot in the eye.
It were this way - one day in October
The Duke, who were always a toff
And having no battles on at the moment,
Had given his lads a day off.
They'd all taken boats and gone fishing,
When someone in Conqueror's ear
Said 'Let's go and put breeze up Saxons;'
Bill said, By gum, that's an idea.
So turning around to his soldiers,
He lifted his big Norman voice
He said, Hands up who's coming to England
That was swank 'cos they hadn't no choice.
Well they started away about tea-time
The sea was so calm and so still
And at quarter to ten the next morning
They arrived at a place called Bexhill.
King 'Arold he came up when they landed
His face full of venom and 'ate
And he said, lf you've come for Regatta
You've got here just six weeks too late.
Well at this William rose, cool but 'aughty
And said, Let's have none of your cheek
You'd best have your throne re-upholstered
I'll be wanting to use it next week.
When 'Arold heard this 'ere defiance
With rage he turned purple and blue
And he shouted some rude words in Saxon
To which William answered, And you.
'Twere a beautiful day for a battle
Normans set off with a will
And when both sides were duly assembled
They tossed for the top of the hill.
King 'Arold he won the advantage
On the hill-top he took up his stand
With his knaves and his cads all around him
On his 'orse with his 'awk in his 'and.
Well, Normans had nowt in their favor
Their chance of a victory seemed small
For the slope of the field were against them,
And the wind in their faces an' all.
Kick-off were sharp at two-thirty,
And as soon as the whistle had went
Both sides started banging each other
'Til swineherds could hear them in Kent.
Well, Saxons had best line of forwards
Well armed with both buckler and sword
But Normans had best combination
So when half-time came neither had scored.
So the Duke called together his cohorts
And said, Let's pretend that we're beat
When we get Saxons down on t' level
We'll cut off their means of retreat.
So they ran, and Saxons ran after,
Just exactly as William had planned
Leaving 'Arold alone on the hill-top
On his 'orse with his 'awk in his 'and.
Well, when William he saw what had happened
A bow and an arrow he drew
He went right up to 'Arold and shot him
He were off-side, but what could they do?
Well, the Normans turned round in a fury,
And give back both parry and thrust
Till fight were all over bar shouting,
And you couldn't see Saxons for dust.
And after battle were over
They found 'Arold so stately and grand
Sitting there with an eye full of arrow
On his 'orse with his 'awk in his 'and.
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