John wrote Eat Bertha's Mussels for our hosts at the fine Baltimore establishment, who have never failed to treat us royally on our many visits there.

Eat Bertha's mussels, they're the best there is by far
     You can eat them in the dining room, you can eat them in the bar
     So when you're ashore in Baltimore and you fancy a bite to eat
     Just follow your nose to Bertha's, you'll be in for a rare old treat.

Now a sailor came to Bertha's with a problem most severe
His manly pride was atrophied from a voyage of fourteen years
A couple of plates of mussels, now he sings in a different key
His jib boom's set right, he'll be in there tonight, and he'll never go back to sea:

Now a lady came to Bertha's, who wanted a daughter or son
The doctors had said with a shake of the head that she couldn't have either one
So she ate a plate of mussels and went back home to her husband dear
She tuned up his crwth, and I'll tell you the truth, she had triplets the very same year:

They will cure your diarrhea, cure your constipation, too
Just swallow a box for the chicken pox, the measles or the flu
So, if you fancy a healthy life, get your daily dosage straight
A plate a day of Bertha's mussels, and you'll live 'til you're 98:

© Golden Hind Music